Have An Easy Peasy Marriage By . . .

Have An Easy Peasy Marriage By . . .

But I suppose the reason I subscribe to common sense is because it’s just kind of easy to accept the obvious.

So here is an obvious truth: The more selfish you’re in your marriage, the more your marriage is going to suck.

 

Likewise, the more unselfish you’re in your marriage, the more you marriage is not going to suck.

Unfortunately, many of us simply don’t act upon this common sense truth. We prefer to live in a perpetual state of suckiness because the thought of actually not being selfish seems unjust. The natural law of fairness seems to teach us that the more selfish our spouses are, the more selfish we are allowed to be.

And now justified, we take full advantage of the opportunity. We begin to act like children screaming ‘MINE!’ We tattle tale on our spouses to our family and friends. We scratch and bit back (hopefully only figuratively) because we were scratched and bitten. And just like children, we self-righteously assert, ‘Billy did it first.’

 

Congratulations! We have successfully justified acting like children.

This is just nonsense—not common sense. Common sense compels parents to teach their children how to rise above the occasion. I am sure some children psychologist would object, but most of us say to our children, ‘you know better,’ ‘you’re older then that,’ ‘stop complaining,’ ‘act your age,’ ‘it’s never O.K. to hit back’, or something of that sort.

Here is my suggestion for you today: If you want an ‘easy peasy marriage,’ then take your own advice to your children and knock it off.

Fighting the Vampires of the Sexuality of Death

Fighting the Vampires of the Sexuality of Death

I’ve discussed it in other blogs and podcasts, but briefly:

-if a child is molested, the child thinks he’s going to die

-if a lady is raped, she thinks she’s going to die

-if a baby is unwanted he is too often aborted and he dies

-masturbating to porn, a guy’s seed (life, you know) is spilled onto the ground or spilled into a kleenex and flushed down the toilet: death

-the pornography itself: turn off the electricity and it’s gone.  Poof.

-two men expose themselves to excrement, which the body is trying to extricate so you don’t die

-two men or two women can never make life, despite governmental or public sanction.  In our society it doesn’t matter.  As long as you FEEL like you love the person you are doing the rituals of death with.  Feelings become the god of the age.  Still: not life.  Smiles, maybe.  But underneath?

-a man and a woman who are not married, but are cohabiting and pretending to be married.  They have the guise of marriage.  It looks like marriages, but it isn’t.  They are only fooling themselves.  They are posers.  Then they wonder why they have problems.  Then they think I can’t be with a person who’s so selfish, little realizing they themselves are selfish for thinking you can have a marriage without sacrificing yourself and your life and your future and the relationship ends up in death.  Cohabiting couples are more likely to break up, have abortions and sexual abuse, both child and partnership violence and breakups.  They are fraught with conflict, sexual problems (duh?) and money problems.  But see?  We’re smiling, so everything must be Okay.  Little do they know the vampire has struck and they are, in fact, dying.

-BDSM roleplays sacrificial rituals of death that go back at least to the Biblical Canaanites, if not further.  Here: let’s romanticize me taking away your soul with your permission.  See?  Isn’t that fun?  Now let’s dress it up and tout it as the new female erotica.  Who can we seduce now?  Isn’t being manipulated fun?  Let’s make movies about this and seduce our whole society that sex between a husband and wife is boring and we need these things from Ace Hardware to spruce up our love life (Ace Hardware?  What does Ace Hardware have to do with love?).  We just wanna have fun.

Death is fun?

At least in China they do their Sexuality of Death without all the glamour.   Yesterday it was reported Chinese family planning officials forced a woman to abort her daughter when she was seven months pregnant.  Her crime?  She already had a child:

According to reports, Jianmei was beaten and dragged into vehicle on June 2 by family planning officials while her husband, Deng Jiyuan, was at work. Jiyuan told Ling of All Girls Allowed that five men had abducted his wife and taken her to a hospital where they held her down.

“They covered her head with a pillowcase. She couldn’t do anything because they were restraining her,” the husband stated.

The officials asked her to pay fines worth more than $6,000 but when the money wasn’t given, they forced Jianmei to sign an abortion “consent” form. They inked her thumb and pressed it forcibly against the form.

Toxins were then injected into the brain of her unborn daughter.

“I could feel the baby jumping around inside me all the time, but then she went still,” the mother recounted to Ling.

The forced abortion took place on June 3. After enduring painful contractions, she gave birth on June 4 to her deceased child.

Still, occasionally, in our society, the hurt of the Sexuality of Death can be seen.  There’s evidence.  But it’s getting scarcer and rarer.  You can see it in the report of what the 18-year old man testified yesterday day in the Penn State Jerry Sandusky child abuse scandal.  CBS reported:

“I spaced,” the alleged victim said. “I didn’t know what to do with all the thoughts running through my head, I just kind of blacked out and didn’t want it to happen. I froze.”

He testified that after he broke off contact with Sandusky, the former coach came to his home and yelled at him for not spending more time with him. He told the court that the argument got heated and that eventually hid behind a bush to avoid Sandusky.

“I got extremely, extremely scared,” testified the man. “With all the connections he had if he really thought I would say what happened that he could hurt me or someone close to me.”

Hid behind a bush?  Good for him.  At least someone is getting it.

-Your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to move in with you?  Run away.

-A same-sex friend want’s to do what?  Run away.

-The porn vampires come out at night and say “click here,”  “click here.”  Run away.

-Your partner wants to tie you up?  Are you kidding me?  Tie me up?  And then he’s showing you porn pictures of happy women with dog collars around their necks and says, see all the happy faces?  Run.  Run away.

Somehow in our culture we still identify child abuse as something sick and dirty and wrong and hurtful and deserving of punishment so that we do not promote it in the public sphere.  But everywhere else, the Sexuality of Death is just fine.

This day, chose life, the Bible says, over and over. But no.  We like our death, all dressed up, with celebratory parades and dances and loud, pulsing music, and beautiful gowns and bodies and grinning faces, ear to ear on the celebrity pages giving the pretense of life, but imposters all.

We don’t like our Christians pointing these things out.  You can be a Christian as long as you smile and either keep your mouth shut or agree that indeed, death is to be preferred to life.  Christians are judgmental, you know.  You don’t want mommy or daddy telling you to not put your hand on the stove or to drink that poison.  So let’s shut them up.  Eventually it’ll be lock them up.  See how tolerant we are?  Or we could throw them to the lions like the Roman’s did.  At least get some entertainment out of the deal.

Rome: Hey, there’s a society steeped in death.  We’ve been down this road before?

9 Things Saying Sorry To Your Children Teaches Them

9 Things Saying Sorry To Your Children Teaches Them

Even kids understand this. How many of us have told our kids to go apologize? What normally is their reaction?  They look down, speak softly, put their hand in their mouth, or, if they are like my boy, just says sorry really fast and proceeds kicking the ball, while the child he hurt is still lying on the ground crying.

For good parents, this is where we step in. We tell them to look up, speak louder, take their hands out of their month, and at lest attempt to mean it. We do this because we understand as parents that cultivating character in our children is important.

This type of training is important but has limits. What is also needed is for them to see humility and remorse in those that they look up to—i.e., you.

That’s right. If you want your children to learn how to say sorry and really mean it, then you are going to have to model it for them. And one of the ways to model humility and remorse is by you saying sorry to them when you’ve wronged them.

Here are 9 things your children learn when you say sorry:

1) That adults make mistakes

2) There is a standard of morality above adults (you are also held accountable)

3) Teaches them to own up to their faults

4) Teaches them the way to say sorry

5) Teach them that authority can’t do whatever they please—i.e., might doesn’t equal right

6) Models humility to them

7) Teaches them not to cover up their wrong doings

8) Teaches them to not be stubborn when wrong

9) Teaches them how to forgive

So here’s the question that you need to ask yourself: when is the last time you apologized to your kids? And by the way, buying or spoiling your kids after you do something wrong is not an apology. You’re just teaching your children they can be bought. Saying you’re sorry is an apology. It’s fine to take your children out for ice cream, but first say your sorry and reconcile with them. Then ice cream is a joy you both can partake in.

It doesn’t matter the age either. Saying sorry to a teenager teaches him or her that adults are not necessarily hypocrites.

Did you yell when you didn’t have too? Apologize.

Where you too harsh? Apologize.

Where you lazy today and ignored your kids? Apologize.

Did you not follow through with a promise? Apologize.

We all want our kids to be humble and empathic to others. Start modeling this behavior yourself.

Fighting the Vampires of the Sexuality of Death

The Power of an Affair to Delude: The Foolishness of Bobby Petrino

Really, I’m a pretty nice guy and I’m not too mean.  I’ll even let a bunch of stuff slide if I think we can get somewhere from a different route.  But I’m having a hard time just sitting back and let Coach Petrino’s explanation of his affair fall without first tossing it in the air a bit.

If you remember the coach was caught having an affair with a lady 26 years younger than him (Jessica Dorrell), whom he hired.  It all came out after he got into a motorcycle accident with her on the back and tried to hide it.  He ended up losing his job over the lies and deception, not to say the hurt he caused his wife and four children and his fellow coaches, players and the Razorback Nation.

The explanation of his affair from Petrino I’d like to comment on was released to the Associated Press and reported in CBS News after a request using the Freedom of Information Act and included the notes Razorback Athletic Director Jeff Long kept while he questioned Petrino after Long found out about Petrino’s coverup.   The USA Today reported:

Petrino told his boss that his affair with Dorrell began with a kiss last fall and ended sometime in February when the two decided to simply be friends.

Let’s clear this up:  Affairs don’t start with a kiss.  And they don’t end when two affairees decide to just be friends.

Affairs start long before the kiss.  It started the first time he felt his heart crossing a line in his thoughts about Dorrell or the first time she crossed a line in how she treated him and he did not tell his wife about it.

When I ask my clients, when did it cross “the line,” most know immediately what I mean.  Either Patino or Dorrell may have crossed a line.

Actually, you don’t want to even be close to the line.  You don’t play Frisbee right next to the edge of a cliff.  You play far far away.

This is one of the benefits of being married.  You can talk with each other about crazy people that are seeking to cross lines with you and the temptations you face at your work and life and the two of you can talk about how to handle these crazy people and the temptations and you can keep your dignity instead of crossing a line, because the vultures are circling looking for an opportunity to come down and pluck out your eyes.

In therapy I liken the temptation to have an affair to a slippery slide.  Every step up the ladder is one more decision closer to an affair going beyond emotional to sexual.  By the time you are kissing your affairee, you are more than likely dancing on the top of the slide.  For most there have been dozens of decisions they didn’t talk about with their spouse, all of which are secrets.  The power of the secret is the secret and delusion reigns.  The fact that Petrino says his affair began with a kiss is a sign of that delusion.

The second mistake Petrino made was thinking if we stopped the affair sexually, we can remain friends.

Ah, no.  If someone led you down the road to an affair (a devastating road strewn with the bodies of your loved ones, friends, colleagues and your dignity trampled underfoot), the last thing you are going to want to do is chum around with that person.  No.  That would be, like, you know…..stupid.  The two of you have proven that together you can’t respect boundaries so, no, we aren’t going to tempt each other to cross boundaries again.  The affairee needs to be off your list, off your contacts, off your cell phone, off your email list and all the old emails and gifts and pictures and mementos destroyed.  We are done with that lifestyle.  Done.  Done and Done.  If your affairee refuses to honor these boundaries, you change your email and/or cell phone number.  We don’t mess around with this stuff.

If they still refuse, you may have to call the police.

I’m not kidding.

The reason we don’t mess around with this stuff is not to appease your spouse who is understandably pretty upset by this if you’ve had the courage to face it with him or her.  That’s a byproduct.  No.  The reason you don’t mess around with it is because you don’t want to tempt yourself again.  Affairs that are over sometimes do heat up again.  Keep all the logs off the fire.  The embers are still there.

Telling your spouse about all these things before you end up going up the slide is the way to go.  Then you’d never go down the slide in the first place!

If you are on the slide and don’t know what to do, give us a call.  We’ll help you face these things so you can deal with it and learn from it and have the courage to face your spouse honestly, so that, over time, you can get your life, marriage and dignity back.

9 Things Saying Sorry To Your Children Teaches Them

Sex Robots: The Sexual Revolution’s Disaster-Piece

But, I think I might have been slightly wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not down playing any of the above mentioned ‘colors,’ but I think we are headed for some troubling times—and this is certainly not to be apocalyptic.

I think this because HuffingtonPost, Fox News, and News.com are all reporting that some experts are now saying by 2050 ‘sex robots will revolutionize sex tourism.’ One export said ‘robots would become so human-like in appearance, function and personality that many people would fall in love with them, have sex with them, and even marry them.’

That’s right; you heard it. Personal sex robots are on their way to a local market near you. Maybe, if technology advances the way it is, we will only have to wait until 2015!

I can already see the advertisements:

Not satisfied with your current sex life? Don’t worry about it; soon you can buy or even ‘rent’ a new ‘lover.’ Are you sick of having pillow talk? Don’t worry about it; soon you can program your ‘lover’ to say or NOT say what you want. Worried about having a baby? Don’t worry about it; soon your lifeless ‘lover’ will be unable to procreate.  Worried about catching a STD? Don’t worry about it; soon your ‘spouse’ will be sanitizable. As one expert says, “all androids are made of bacteria-resistant fiber … guaranteeing no sexually transmitted diseases are transferred between consumers.’ Are you worried that people will think you are a nerd? Don’t worry about it; soon Cosmo’s front cover will read ‘had sex with a robot and it was great!’ If Cosmo says so, having sex with a robot has to be cool.

Worried? Don’t be; the experts say that ‘the lifelike sex robots would offer people a guilt-free sexual experience.’ Finally, guilt free sex! But that’s not all folks. Even better, you can have sex with a robot programed to ‘like you’ and have a ‘similar personality’ as you, which the experts say is essential for marriage.

Can I just say it?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?

Have we become so corrupt that we can’t see the insanity here? Good is evil and the evil is good. We have taken a personal-affirming, life-giving act between a husband and wife and thrown it into the gutter. I am sorry my friends, but this is just perversion at its height—the finial stroke on the Sexual Revolution’s canvas.

Now you might be has grossed out by this as I am (I am not even enjoying writing this). But don’t fool yourself because you might have already unknowingly accepted the premise/s justifying the existence of sex robots.

You see, when asked about what is driving the demand, some experts say, ‘concern over human trafficking, sexual transmitted diseases, beauty and physical perfection, pleasure from sex toys, emotional connection to robots, and the importance of sex . . . are all driving forces.’

Now, let’s do a few thought experiments to see where you are.

Do you find yourself fantasizing and wishing your spouse could be more beautiful? If yes, are you willing to (or wish you could or idolize those who can) spend loads of money on plastic surgery to insure your spouse looks like a plastic doll? Oh no, here they come.

Do you find yourself preferring a sex toy to your spouse? Are you always needing some new sex toy to spice up your sex life? Why not add another one?

Are you attached to your sex toys such that ‘you can’t live without them,’ as one woman I read said? Well, a robotic man will ‘always be there for you.’ Right?

Is sex just sex to you? Is it just some physical stimulation to distract you? Do you really see no meaning underlining the act? Is orgasm so important to you that you’re willing to self-masturbate yourself to sleep?  Why not a sex robot? You can program it to sing you a lullaby: ‘Hush little man-child (women-child) you’re not a pervert . . . ‘

Do you think a moral way to solve the humanitarian concern over human trafficking and sexual transmitted diseases is to give perverts a sex robot? I know, this seems insane, but I have to ask it. One only needs to read Elizabeth Kolbert’s The Case Against Kids‘ to see how horribly  pragmatic we have become as a culture. The temptation for many of us is to allow some evil that good may come about. We all want human trafficking and sexual transmitted diseases to forever go away. But a good end can never justify a evil means.  If you are tempted to think like this, then you have already implicitly accepted the validity of the sex robot existence–even if you find the idea repulsive.

Don’t you see it my friends? Many of you have already accepted the existence of a sex robot without even knowing it. Your desires speak loader than words.

If you want a great sex life with your husband or wife get this CRAP out of your marriage bed. Sex is about a husband and wife truly giving themselves to another. A fundamental aspect of our existence is that we are wired to give ourselves as gifts. That is why it is better to give than to receive. You can’t give yourself to a robot; no matter how great the programming is.

Self-absorption is never satisfying. The more you focus on yourself and what you can get, the more frustrated you will become.  It always has and always will.

So, do you want some advice on how to ‘spice up’ your sex life with your married spouse? Stop using your spouse to self-masturbate and focus on loving him/her. Focus on serving him/her. Focus on just being with him/her. He is your husband; she is your wife.

Orgasm is not the end; it’s just the fruit.

For you, the end is your spouse; for your spouse, the end is you. Such a communion of persons results in a beautiful expression of life: a child–our culture’s hidden art piece.

The Sexual Revolution told you sex is all about you. And now it can be all about you—you and your programed robot. Such a combination can only result in a hideous expression of death: a narcissistic-self– our culture’s visible disaster-piece.

Why Should I Quit Porn?

Why Should I Quit Porn?

He’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his fingers intertwined, like he’s praying, and he’s looking at me with a pleading look on the one hand and a please don’t answer the question on the other. If I’m able to answer this question in any cogent way at all he knows he’s going to have to say goodbye to a friend that he’s depended on for comfort almost daily or even daily for fifteen years and it’s like pulling a dead puppy away from a little boy whose been crying over the dead puppy just a little too long and instead of growing up the little boy clings to the dead puppy for comfort, knowing that if he doesn’t let go he can’t become a man.

Every boy knows this.  You don’t need me to tell you.  In fact that would be the first reason to give up porn: you can’t become a man if you don’t.  I don’t mean the TV version of a man.  A man on TV sitcoms is shallow and selfish and short-tempered and petty.  No.  I’m talking about a man who has dignity and deserves respect and can hold his head high and can be proud, not arrogantly so that he pushes people away, most of all his loved ones, but proud in the sense that he has nothing to hide.

Nothing to hide.  That would be the second reason to give up porn.  The power of porn is the secret.  Porn tells you you have to hide.  You can’t be known.  If anybody knew your little secret the facade would come crashing down like the Wizard of Oz: “Ignore the little man behind the curtain.

That’s what you are when you do porn: a little man behind a curtain.  The fantasy of porn is you are a big man.  Look at these robust images of pleading females just ogling for your flesh.  How come that doesn’t happen in real life, man?  I mean, little boy?  I had one guy tell me point blank (I didn’t even have to bring the subject up.) that porn was easier than having to have a relationship.   Yeah, ain’t that the truth: having a relationship.

That’d be a third reason to quit the stuff:  It’s NOT a relationship.  It’s training you to NOT have a relationship.  It’s self-worship.  It turns you inward.  You become your own idol.  The problem is you make too small of a god.  You aren’t big enough to worship.  You tell me, well, I’m not a Christian.  Okay.  Fine.  Here’s a non-denominational thought for your non-Christian brain:  Jesus said, the pure in heart shall see God.  So turn that on it’s head and what do you get?  The impure in heart will see ________?  Tell me what you see if you are impure in heart?  You’re not religious, right?  But you are impure?  You’d dispute that porn isn’t impure?  Are you kidding me?  Who are you fooling?  You actually believe this poison you’ve been worshiping is (can I say this?) pure?  Pure?

You know it’s not.  And if you tell yourself it’s fine while you drag your mind through the gutter you are a fool.  You don’t have to be a Christian to know you are a fool.  And impure.  And if you are impure of heart you are going to see something, just not God.  So go ahead, you non-Christian (or Christian or priest or pastor for that matter.  Porn is no respecter of persons) and tell me what you see.

That’s another reason to quit porn.  It tells you lies you believe.  You don’t really believe them, but then again you do.  And you know it’s sucking your very life away.  Away.  Away.  Here’s a true story.  I could multiply it a million times if I had the time to hear all the stories.

There once was a man who hated his job.  The odd thing was he trained for this job and went to college and spent thousands of hours and thousands of dollars to become good at this job and there was a time when he felt really accomplished at this job because he was good at it, but, alas, it had lost it’s allure.

Simultaneous to learning his career he was also learning to cope with his problems by masturbating to unrealistic images of ungodly women doing contorted unnatural ungodly things.  It was like his career had two tracks:  One where he learned a respectful, fulfilling, creative career; one where he learned to frit away his time in the gutter.  When his job became difficult, as every job does now and then, even if you like it, he’d go to porn for a little buzz, a little pick-me-up, and he’d feel better for a little while, but he couldn’t get back to his work, because he’d trained his mind to want to wander into the gutter along with all the ungodly women doing contorted ungodly things whenever his problems came to bear on his life.

One day his boss caught him looking at ungodly women doing contorted ungodly, unnatural things, right there in the boss’ business on the boss’ time.  This particular young man was lucky, because the boss could have fired him on the spot as a lot of companies have a one and done policy.  They don’t take kindly to employees coming to work, pretending to work and fritting away their time in la-la land.  It’s called stealing.  This would be another reason to quit porn.  Nevertheless, this particular employee had a gracious boss, who took the young man aside, who was used to coping with his problems by thinking of ungodly women doing contorted ungodly, unnatural things, and said, as much as he liked the young man, he didn’t want to pay the young man to frit away his time living in a fantasy world and if the boss ever caught the young man fritting away his life on company time again he would be immediately fired.

The young man (boy?) was very repentant, because, even though he hated his job, he liked the money, and fritting away his time with ungodly women doing contorted ungodly, unnatural things wasn’t important enough to the young man to give up his job and eventually live under a bridge so the young man gave up porn cold turkey.  He realized that if he was going to quit porn at work he had to quit porn everywhere because he couldn’t very well concentrate at work if he was continually thinking of breasts and butts and other private parts flailing around here and there.  He’d found that if he did it at home or on his cell phone at other places that even if he put his phone or computer away the images were still rushing through his brain like an uncontrollable flood and while at times he’d entertain these thoughts just to get through the day, he’d decided, on his own, without his therapist or pastor or anyone else for that matter telling him, that it wouldn’t be fair to his boss to be thinking of these ungodly women doing ungodly contorted unnatural acts instead of concentrating on his work even if he wasn’t looking at those types of things at work anymore.  In other words, his conscience kicked into gear.  This would be another reason to quit porn.

And an amazing thing happened.  Over time, even over a few weeks, he discovered his job again.  It’s like he’d been in a desert and didn’t know he was thirsty.  How he ever became so discontent he’d no idea.  This would be another reason to quit porn.  His mind cleaned up.  It no longer, or rarely at least, dipped into this fantasy world, and he began to concentrate on his work.  He saw he’d made errors on his job.  He saw he’d been incomplete.  He saw he’d been, basically, incompetent, because his job required him to be meticulous, but he couldn’t be meticulous, when he was thinking of UWDCUUT and various body parts going this way and that.  He realized the lion’s share of his discontent with his job had to do with his own failure to perform and be creative in his field and the discontent he felt so strongly was not really about his job at all, but about his own failure of character.  He came to this thought on his own without reading any fancy books on porn or talking to his therapist or pastor or anyone else for that matter.

He found that when he discovered these mistakes and oversights that he felt really accomplished for doing a good job and his enthusiasm for his job began to return.  He was thinking clearly and seeing there were a lot of things he’d been overlooking.  He thought of new ideas to improve things.  His creativity came back.  His passion for his work came back.  In fact, he no longer dreaded coming to work and liked his job again.

This would be another reason to quit porn: it takes your creativity away and replaces it with sloth, unfulfilled desires, discontent, impatience and anger.

Discontent, impatience and anger are the blood brothers of porn.  It teaches you to meet your needs now, instantly, whenever you want.  Getting what you want when you want it is only a click away.  I would submit to you that getting your own way when you want it will turn you into an unbearable prick which would be another reason to quit porn. 

And I haven’t even mentioned your wife (or future wife.  If you are not married, let’s not forget her.  That’d be another reason to quit porn) and how it devastates her and tells her she’s not pretty enough or thin enough or stacked enough or flamboyant enough or contorted enough because she’s very aware somehow these UWDCUUT somehow make you happy or you convey that to her by your judgmental comments now that your brain is steeped on perversion and multiple body parts too numerous to mention.  Having just two breasts, for example, wouldn’t really do it for it you, now would it?  That’d be reason enough right there to quit the stuff.  Really.

In fact, there are lots of reasons to quit porn.  We’ve listed a few.  Let me summarize:

  • you can’t become a man if you don’t
  • you can’t be a genuine person if you don’t
  • you can’t be open and have honest relationships if you don’t
  • you can’t be honest with yourself if you don’t
  • you can’t concentrate on your work or anything else for that matter if you don’t.  It literally robs you of your creativity and drive.
  • you can’t trust your conscience or be conscientious if you don’t
  • you can’t be productive if you don’t
  • you can’t be content if you don’t
  • you can’t not be a prick or control your anger or anything else for that matter if you don’t
  • you can’t relate to your future wife like you should if you don’t
  • you won’t be content with your wife and will devastate her or future wife if you don’t

But you didn’t need me or your therapist or your pastor or anyone else for that matter telling you, did you?